Course announcement

When I was 19, I was hit by overwhelming depression. It was devastating, a knot of sadness and anxiety ripping my stomach in half. It was as if a dark cloud had arrived above my soul, casting its shadow on my thoughts and feelings. As I entered adulthood, I could feel my body dragging behind beneath the weight of it.

Nothing I tried worked. I was always gifted in mathematics, science and reason. I turned to philosophy, searching for answers, but I found no relief. Dark thoughts gnawed at me from the edges, and I pushed myself forward with only willpower, ego and caffeine.

Every day was an exhausting battle. I was on an unrelenting rollercoaster, pushing me between the depths of despair and brief moments of air. I would collapse every other night, wired, unable to sleep.

I pushed loved ones away. I had a girl. I loved her, and I could not admit that I was suffering. No sign of weakness. I thought that bottling it up and being strong would be enough. Instead, I hurt her, by being distant, and lashing out. It was the pain speaking.

Bella didn’t know what to say. She had no answers. My helplessness compounded her loneliness. She begged me to open up, to speak, to seek help. I stayed silent; it was the only way I could stop me clawing my insides out.

Bella soon left. It was the right thing to do. All I could offer her was misery, I refused her support, and I could not help myself. I was alone in my despair. That was the first time I spent the night completely alone. And the night after that, and the night after that. And on and on it went.

I hit rock bottom. At the age of 20, I made a solemn vow, to myself, to my mind, to my heart, and my guts, that whatever it took, I would find my answers.

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I’m in my late 30s now. For over half of my life, I have been searching for answers to my pain. I have spent countless hours sitting alone in the dark, finding a depth in the solitude, a mirror in the darkness.

Logic holds no answers. No amount of willpower, reason or philosophy could satisfy me. Instead, I had to learn that my body speaks in silent words, and there the answers lie.

Within these answers, there are no words, no tongue, no sound, no light, no sight, no will, no form.
No thoughts, no speech, no reason. No reason for reason.

The body speaks from the darkness.

The sensation of being torn apart inside held an immense well of power. That internal struggle, that emotional storm, carried a formidable strength.

Pain is my language, and it has become my ally.

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Announcing a new course launching November 24.

This is for you, if an important man in your life appears stuck, trapped in despair.
Perhaps it is your father, your brother, your husband, your friend, your lover.

It will feature practical solutions to emotional problems.
Things that I’ve spent half my life figuring out.

Together we will discover that his body speaks.