Why men live their lives in their father's shadow.

This will be a somewhat stream-of-thoughts newsletter.

As I watch my father dying, I am reminded of a beautiful scene from the movie Inception. Robert Fischer, played by Cillian Murphy, is the son and heir apparent of Maurice Fischer, who has died. Before his passing, we see Robert with his Maurice on his deathbed.

His father’s last words: “Disappointed.”

Inception is a bloody complicated Nolan movie, but the key scene happens at the movie’s climax:

This scene gets me in the feels every time. According to the comments, I’m not alone:

“No… I was disappointed, that you tried.” Brings me to tears every time. Rarely do movies highlight father/son relations this delicately. How many sons out there share the same relationship with their fathers? Strong stuff for me, as a son and a father…

The pinwheel reveal is the best moment in this whole movie. It’s so simple and childlike in contrast to the high-tech sci-fi dream-worlds they go through– with all the sports cars and high-powered spy weapons. 10/10, instant feels every time.

I’ve seen a lot of sad movies. None have actually made my cry that hard. But this one scene seems to just tear down my walls. I can’t even explain it. It’s so realistic because we want to impress and live up to people’s expectations. This was just Fischer imagining that his dad was proud of him and I can’t stop crying.

Its what every kid wants to hear from their dad.

This scene along with the ending gets me crying everytime I watch it

They gave that man the best closure he could’ve asked for…

When he pulls out the pinwheel he wasn’t the only one choked up.

People have been asking me how I’ve been. Overall, I’ve been fine. Surprisingly fine.

I feel calm and clear. During the day I run errands, do handyman jobs so he can use the bathroom, and generally keep busy.

At night I am on night duty, on call for when he needs me.

At night, as always, I am alone.

I get nostalgic at night.

And when I get nostalgic I feel things more deeply.

So yes, I’ve been reflecting on scenes on this, on emotions like this. I wonder if my father is proud of me.

Maybe.