Why Self-Doubt is a Good Thing

I have an arrangement with a friend from whom I’m given topics to write about. No timeline, no pressure, just a simple challenge to hang over my head.

“What shall I write about this time?” I asked.

She stood for a moment thinking and eventually replied,

“Write about self-doubt.”

Self-doubt? I didn’t expect that.

“Okay.”

For me, writing is a process of pressure and time. Pressure of energy churning in my body, time for it to mature.

I waited a few weeks, maybe a month. I waited for the inevitable, for it to grasp me, to reach its peak. I knew that it was just a matter of time.

When that day came, I was prepared. I let that dam burst. It was an old pain, a familiar catharsis, and I let it seep into my creative outflow. 1000 words in a half hour. I sent my friend bare text file, and went to sleep.

Self doubt is inevitable.

I knew that a night like this, flooded with anxiety, would eventually happen.

It had visited me countless times before, and it will happen again.

It sits with me right now, as I write this piece.

It’s not as strong this time - the words don’t flow as fluidly, it does not arouse me as much.

This is the nature of the masculine, to ebb and flow, between arousal and calm.

When in presence of the masculine, understand that His Body Speaks, both during power and self doubt.

The masculine has a distinct pattern, a cycle.

Men wake up, they see the void in their hearts.

The first thing they will sense, what they will feel, is a great void inside.

It is an anxiety that lights a fire, that which we call “fire in the belly”.

And how men respond is as distinct as the man it rests in. Relief is the objective.

Relief, release, freedom. Men will harbour this pain inside, gnawing inside them.

If you learn to listen to it, you will realise that His Body Speaks.

Some men will seek to compete, they will seek competition in work, or fitness, or sport.

Some men will attach it to their ego.

Some men will drive it into something wholesome.

Some men will become obsessive.

Some men will become self-destructive.

Some men will choose to confront it alone.

Some men will love completely.

Some men will masturbate until spent.

Some men will seek fame and recognition.

Some men will seek obscurity.

Some men will write in darkness.

The relief is what he seeks. It will mark the day as complete. And he will sleep.

Then comes a day he will wake up again, and the emptiness will be there, and the cycle begins again.

Self-doubt is arousal.

Regardless of how a man responds, he will respond.

Even if you cannot see it, there is movement.

Once you realise that His Body Speaks, this is obvious.

Many men will try to hide it. They have been taught that self-doubt is weakness. That it is to be overcome. But if arousal is energy, then energy is power.

You can measure the man on his material things, on what he creates from his life.

But to know him deeply, to know his quality, listen to his arousal.

His Body Speaks, and it will be quiet just before the response.

Before and beneath the action.

Before and beneath the self-doubt.

Before and beneath the anxiety.

It is the emptiness.

The first thing he hears every day is the emptiness.

His Body Speaks, and it responds to emptiness.

His life will depend on how he responds to the emptiness:

“Is this the life for me?
“Is this the path?
“Is this the right thing to do with my time?”

“Can my partner hear my silence?
“Can she listen to it? Does she understand it?
“Can she interpret it?”

If you learn that His Body Speaks, you will learn to listen to the depths of the heart.

A period of self-doubt is the moment to listen.