Why Men Suffer Daily

“The mass of men live lives of quiet desperation”

This is it, this is the secret.

When I work with men, this is what I am most aware of. When I sit in a circle of men, when I witness him, I do not look at his career, his earnings, his physical capacity. I put great weight on his spirit, namely, his ability to confront his inner demons.

Demons. That’s what society calls it. But I’ve come to know better. Once you realise that his body speaks, then you will realise that it’s his soul crying.

Modern society has failed to nurture the spirit of men. We force him to depend on his ego to survive, to value material things. I feel that to live with a male spirit, I am encouraged abandon the spirit. Great weight is given to the ego, and men are taught to measure themselves through physical means: the car we drive, the outfits we wear, the sense of status we hold.

Whatever we accumulate, it will never satisfy the deep craving of the soul.

We tell men to deny their own souls. To suppress their desires. Then blame them when they don’t have the means to articulate it.

When men are alone, without support, life is most difficult.

Men who are alone will struggle the most, because the first emotion that will emerge is often grief.

Grief is the doorway to feeling.

When men don’t have access to fathers, and fatherhood figures, men won’t learn how to handle their grief.

Once you understand that his body speaks, you will find grief of many layers

A sense of loss, his sense of time, and how life gradually feels more meaningless. It becomes more and more empty the older we get.

It grows, gnawing at us gently, constantly, as though it eats us alive. The magic of childhood feels lost to us.

The way a man can cope with this grief is the measure of a man, because that is how he handles the hunger of his soul.

Grief is the doorway to feeling, because the deepest feeling is emptiness. If he grows into his masculine, the feeling will continue to grow.

If he has a life partner, he might seek time with her to penetrate her.

If he does not, he might seek connection through someone new, or through pornography.

Intuitively, he knows that he will find some relief in the feminine. Indeed, his body speaks, and connection is the route out of his suffering. Men will heal when they learn to be vulnerable.

If you are his partner, don’t worry about how this is done. This is the secret sauce, we’ll get to it later. But know for now that the gift of the feminine is to relieve the gnawing pain in a man’s chest. The weight of it feels lighter, and life suddenly has meaning.

Men will find the solution together. It is a hard, gruelling process; you’ll never see it.

But the feminine will make it worth it.

That is the gift you offer: openness, understanding and softness. We will always thank you for that.